Ugly Pass

I'm thinking about inventing an ugly pass to keep in my pocket for special occasions. Occasions when I look a mess, I'm completely aware of it, and no one should be allowed to comment. The ugly pass would be a bandaid fix for that afternoon drag. It's a proven scientific fact, tested by women from century to century, that the afternoon drag will almost always occur, arguably. The reasons for this lapse in beauty and allure is fairly simple: What do we do in the morning? We get up and get ready. We do our hair and makeup and stand as long as we need to in front of the mirror till our clothes are laying just right on our bodies. Then, as the day wears on-most of that wears off. The hair gets frizzy, falls out of it's holder, or heaven forbid starts looking dirty. The makeup melts, the eyeliner smudges, the mascara sticks, and (we realize later) there is a huge, extremely apparent line separating the makeup on our face and our bare neck. And above it all- the skirt has gotten bunchy in the back, the cami is lopsided underneath a stained shirt, and since it was cold and you put on your mismatching jacket, you totally threw the whole ensemble. When all this happens, when you look into the mirror at yourself after a long day, sometimes........... you'd rather not fix it. You jump in the shower, throw your hair up, and walk around in sweatpants and a sports bra. It's one of those afternoon drags where your own mother can't look at you. One of those times when everyone is thinking, "Who let this science-experiment-from-the-pit-of-Hades in and how can we get her away?"

Or...

At least that's how you feel. In these situations you should be allowed to wear said sports bra and sweatpants, not caring about how much acne or acne medication is slathered across your chest and face, or the bit of holidays still showing on your middle. You should just stick your hair up haphazardly and pin your bangs at random. You wave your ugly flag and you don't really care who sees. Oh yes! We all deserve such an ugly pass.