Will you allow me to divulge every thought I've had in the past 10 minutes? Oh, you will? Why, thank you!
So I was laying in bed and thinking and wondering and following my train of thought as I usually do before going to sleep but the ride was getting long,the passengers antsy, and destination Snooze seeming to stretch father into the distance the longer I pressed towards it. And with that metaphor, I begin. I drank a cup of coffee so I could focused on memorization. I was completely out of it this afternoon-no lie. I took 2 hour to hour and a half naps while trying to do homework and then, once finally up for the night, kept getting off task and disheartened. But, now, 3 hours later, I'm still running on high energy. OH JOY!
The good thing though is my thoughts have been organized and I made a few decisions.
1. I need to hang out with my buddy Lole again soon. I keep hearing second-hand accounts of what's going on with his life but I haven't really conversed with him. We've talked, but not conversed. The balancing act of friendship almost never leaves my mind and I strive to make it work.
2. I'm not gonna worry about my lines and memorization. As I laid there I worked through all my scenes, including my monster of a monologue, and got through all of them with a fairly small amount of trouble/hesitation. I will do my best and hopefully be able to show more emotion and movement with my character due to the fact I won't need a script. Deep breath. Trust myself. Do my best.
3. I shouldn't drink coffee after 3 or 4 o'clock. Genius.
I really get bogged down by all the negative that goes on around me. I know I'm just as guilty of it but when I'm hearing it from all sides, "It tends to make one embittered." I just keep saying, "Well, try and keep it positive.", "Don't worry so much about it.", "The last thing the situation needs is another negative comment, thought, idea, or whatever." It's not always easy or natural to stay positive but it's 100% more helpful than adding your own lightning bolts to a thunderstorm* that already has destructive power. Really, darlings, make a choice. Because every comment and attitude is just that: A choice.
I can't wait for Christmastime. It entails a birthday riding on it's tail, time off, presents, family, food, decorations, the acceptance of holiday music, and CHEER! How I love CHEER. I know that I'm jumping ahead of myself. What about Halloween? What about Thanksgiving? Well, those holidays bring some CHEER but they are no match for all that is Christmas. ChristmasChristmasChristmasChristmasChristmas.
Writing. I'd like to think I'm a good writer, but set me in front of a computer and ask me to write five pages of dialogue and my head is as empty as a pool filled with poop. (Well, I mean, the poop pool is empty of people. But obviously, quite bountiful in its poop population.) How do you create urgency, conflict, setting, interesting characters, realistic conversation, and an enticing plot? How? I mean, I know I'm not expected to be perfect or even that good-but I am not one to take things lying down. I want to DO WELL. And plus, when it comes to writing I wholeheartedly want to believe I can do anything. ("I can ride my bike with no handlebars" with my writing. That's how legit I am.**)
Hair. I try to dye my hair and change it up a bit and within the course of mere weeks it is already returning to its blond ways. Does it not understand that I need dark hair for the show? Does it not realize that change is a good thing? It's dumb and it bothers me. Just another way in which I cannot control my appearance. D:
Yeah, I'm done. Lord help me to sleep. I'm gonna regret this tomorrow. But, at least I did something semi-constructive! Reader, I love you. You mean a lot to me and make my crazy seem worthwhile. Stay gold.
*This is what negative storm sounds like.
Carl ORFF - O Fortuna by kerprof
**Don't think I'm cocky. I know I have so much room for improvement. Also, my statement is illogical.