Saturday, October 15, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
We've reached the part of the sky with the many blue layers. The soft blue, muddled by clouds, the deeper blue, and finally the ascending cerulean and royal as the atmosphere begins to reign.
Landing soon-everthing outside the window is neat little squares. Ships out on the water look like shooting stars on the brightest summer night.
Here now and being introduced to car horns, pigeons, and stop and go traffic. My new favorite things, right?!
Every space, every nook and cranny of this part of town is a blank canvas, crying to be scrawled upon. and a good few have answered the call. Of course, if anywhere, THIS is the place to leave your mark.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I remember, and you may too, as a kid, how sometimes my friend and I would be in the gym at my church and we’d play that silly game where you spin around in circles and see who can last the longest. You start in one place, spread your arms out wide and just twirl until the ceiling, floor, and walls all become a topsy-turvy, indistinguishable blur. And you keep going up to the point that you feel yourself crashing down, your equilibrium about to give up and give in. And you collapse, dizzy and ditzy and as drunk feeling as you can be.
When I was younger I loved to spin. There was a funny freedom in being disoriented and having a blind trust in yourself and the solid ground beneath your feet that would be there when you decided it was finally time to stop, to lay down and let the world come back into focus. Growing up, though, I’ve realized that’s life. But unlike the safe walls of a church gym, life would like to get you caught up and dizzy and disoriented and have you come back into focus in a brand new place. With all new floor and walls and ceiling. All new points of view and people. It forces you to adapt. And there’s the fun and craziness and trust of just living, just spinning. But you have to be ready for it to stop. For the sudden shock of surroundings, of realizing who you and everyone else was before was just a swiftly moving tapestry of light and sound. Eventually,and from time to time, we all stop spinning.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Everything happens for a reason. And I know it now because I'm right where I need to be. And 6 months, a year, or 20 years from now maybe this will be something that happened that I look back on which adds context but does not define me. Or maybe it will be. But life is beautiful and changing and all together more mysterious and bountiful than we sometimes give God credit for.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
We are thrust into it all bare,
without dresses or slacks.
Stumbling around,unsure of our feet.
We watch the big ones flutter about.
Learning from their mistakes,
copying their brilliance,
inheriting their gowns and ties.
we make our own moves.
Finding music to cling to.
Still unsure of our feet
but hiding the fear away as we twirl.
Standing on the sidelines
before we launch into the dance forever
leaving the bigger ones
to dance on our own.
Still stumbling now and then.
Taking young ones to stand on our feet as we glide.
Grinning as they find their own way.
as the music fades to silence.
Finding peace with the fact that this dance is stopping
and smiling as the night comes to a close.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
c. Musical Theatre is probably my most enjoyable period of the day. But it's also the most self-conscious and the hottest. We are moving and singing and choreographing. All the stuff that makes me slightly nauseous. Now, I love to sing, and I'm learning to love to dance, but I'm sinking in slowly, just like into a cold pool. I love the people in there. Probably the funniest, most exciting, and most talented group of people I've been in a class with. So, sometimes I get a little lost or my feet don't move how they should, but I'm growing. And I like it.
d. Oh, Honors Biology with D.Weak. What an interesting class. I heard so many things about it beforehand. Like, Weak being a lumberjack. The class being like no work at all. Weakland being funny, sarcastic, liking to pick on people. As far as I've observed, all completely true. Ha. But, in a good way. He tries to make it interesting and generally succeeds. I have no doubts that I will like being in there. Also, a pretty okay mix of people...if you sorted out the loud, obnoxious, sarcastic, and catty ones. But that's only like 4 people.. -shiver- and oh what a foursome they are. I won't name names, but I'll tell you if you ask. Thankfully I have a seat near the front with a group of lovely and smart band kids who treat me fine, though of course, have way too many inside jokes for me to truly ease into the group. At the end of the day I feel ready to go, but it isn't a bad way to leave.
2. And now that you've missed it, back to Honors Geometry. While working on the homework last night I decided that Honors Geometry was entirely too much for me and I would be much better off in a class that explained things 10 times more, 3 times slower. So, with that thought, backed up by both of my parents, I decided to take a trip to my guidance counselor at lunch. I explained to her my situation, heartache and struggle abounding, and asked her if it would be in any way possible for me to be moved to the non-honors Geo class that is in exactly the same time slot and on the exact same hall as my Honors Geo class. To my dismay, and to my really embarrassing bawling breakdown sitting in a bean-bag chair, Ms. Rhymer, our principal (I think), doesn't allow switches from higher level to lower level classes. Of course she allows switches from lower level to higher level classes, though. Obviously if you are smart/dumb enough to pick an honors class you are smart enough/totally doomed to stay in that class. So, Mrs.Laun tried to be encouraging while letting me down easy and sharing some caring and gentle eye-contact, but I was feeling neither encouraged nor cared for. I left her office still sniffling, extremely red in the face, and ready to look at other options like, say, dropping out? (I am 16, y'know.) I sat back down at lunch in a huge pool of desperation and despair... and ate my meatloaf. Which goes to show, no matter your situation, life still goes on.
3. Tonight I was trying to find an outfit for music videos for musical theatre. In my group's music video (Roses-Outkast) I am the infamous "Caroline", who is a popular, beautiful girl, gold digger, and snob. So Tresor wanted me to look the part. I wore something cute today and we didn't perform. I picked out something cute for tomorrow and my mother doesn't want me wearing it because it "looks too good" on me. I pretty much hate when she says that because I thought, "Well, isn't that the point?" I really can't do much with my wardrobe. I have my every day pieces, the pieces that are a little more trendy, and then the stuff that "looks too good." So, on a daily basis I have to choose whether I wish to look like a boy/farmer, normal/slightly put together, or GOOD. And I never get to look good. Cute, yes. Like a farmer/boy/someone who really couldn't care less, yes. But never really good. Perhaps this is a blessing and a curse. But, I wouldn't mind getting a good review now and again since I can do it while still abiding to dress code. Which, trust me, a LOT of girls don't.
4. DEAR BOY WHO I LIKED,
I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE. YOU ARE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY FREE. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO AVOID ME OR BE AWKWARD IN MY PRESENCE. PLEASE GO ON AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. OBVIOUSLY WE HAVE NO MUTUAL INTEREST, YOU HAVE NO PLANS TO TALK TO ME, AND YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS. PLEASE STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME POST HASTE AND STOP MAKING ME FEEL AWFUL.
5. The musical. It is both sad and nice how many people have asked me if I am auditioning for the musical. Early this year I decided I wouldn't after remembering the amount of stress I endured while participating in the musical last year. Dancing and singing and acting and rehearsing every single afternoon. And now, since I have Geometry on my plate, I am a little more assured of my decision. Still, I miss it already. I love the process, the getting close to people, the harmonies and solos and sets. I love feeling so ready and then putting it out there for an audience. I love singing and singing and singing. I love having jokes and referencing lines from the show. I love talking about a show when I'm in it. And I'll be missing all of that. I know it's for a good cause, my mental health, but it still sucks. Why couldn't this be summer time? Why can't your priorities align with your responsibilities? To the future cast of Moby Dick, I wish you well and I love you all.
6. Books. I recently read Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. It's about two guys who share the same name who meet unexpectedly and whose lives intertwine in interesting ways. It is also about a boy named Tiny Cooper who is extremely large (height and girth) and extremely gay, a music snob named Jane, Schrodinger's Cat, a mysterious lover by the name of Isaac, and love itself. I really think it's great. At least how I felt after reading it was a resoundingly great feeling. The path to that feeling may not have been the best though. The book can be confusing, dark, frustrating. But it makes you feel, it takes you there, which is exactly what a good book should do. But anyway, something I would recommend for young adults. Definite page turner that will leave you satisfied.
7. is my lucky number. I'm so affected by books. I feel and become. I take on the suffering or the joy and keep it up until the very last page. This being said, I do this really intensely. If the main character or the character I identify most with is having an awful day, I feel completely in shambles even though everything is fine in my life. So, if I put down the book and the plot hasn't reached it's final resolution, I'm still caught in that moment, that feeling,that mindset. I'm pretty certain that isn't a good thing. But I'll think about it more later.
So, that's all for the moment.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
But other than that. Everything is beautiful, coming up roses, just a dash of sugar and a strawberry shake. Ish. I mean, it is, except I feel like I owe a lot of things to a lot of people recently. A lot of things. So many things. And I wonder if those people would even care if I did give them what I feel like they deserve. If they ever think about what I deserve. As a person. But I'm never one to complain. Hm, let's give it a week. Let's stop complaining till then. It'll all be over soon. I'm going under.
Monday, January 17, 2011
His mind was quiet, but he knew it was a ruse. All the thoughts, the important ones, were bubbling angrily just below the surface. They threatened to overtake him. Hunched, staring at the ground. He exhaled thoroughly and ran his fingers through his wet hair. Sat back against the cold metal bench. Tears swelled in his eyes and he bit his tongue to fight them back. The running did nothing for him. He would only have to return. Plus, he had no idea where he was now. He pressed his palms to his burning eyes and let the rain follow the curves of his arms down his back. What now? he thought.
Hm. What now? Back to studying for exams.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My favorite people in the world are those who make me better just for knowing them or having known them. Those with beautiful qualities, like great senses of humor, passion, caring hearts. Those who care for me and make me want more for myself. There have been so many of these people in my life that it would be hard to choose. Just know that those who are my favorite are people I meet every single day. The list continues to be added to daily.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I think on a snap decision I'd say hot. But as these snow days have reminded me, cold isn't so bad. When it's cold you can snuggle up to a friend, or a warm blanket. You can read and feel the chill outside. You get rosy cheeks and your breath is brought to life. The cold means ice skating and ice sickles and little individual snowflakes that are extremely beautiful. Cold can bring people together, and too much hot can drive people away. Make them a little crazy or sick. Cold is clean and bright. Hot is like burning passion and carefree summers.there is no such thing as a carefree winter. So, the cold makes me want warmth and warmth makes me want the cold. It's a toss up. I cannot decide.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Now at one point on this blog I really wanted to write a post about being frank and honest and I guess now is as good a time as any. But it's more about relationships than just general life. Once I wrote a little something that went:
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
If you are disrespecting your parents, your siblings, your dog, your teacher, other people's property, the general public, or yourself, then how are you supposed to respect me?
Pretty self explanitory. Stuff just doesn't fly with me. You need to be in control of who you are and what you are doing. Otherwise, you can't be trusted.
3. No sense of humor.
I need a laugh or a smile in the worst of times. And even on the better days I need someone who can keep up with my jokes or train of thought.
Grow up a little. Don't put aside every pure and wonderfully childish notion, but act your age and don't constantly be asking me what I mean. Don't laugh at the serious and important things.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
And my eyes tired but not willing to close
So much fear