Friday, August 13, 2010

Beds & Intruders

So, my little cousins, Tori and Lexa, came over and they're going to the VBS we're doing at The Park this weekend. They are adorable and interesting and I enjoy them as much as I enjoy most children. Which is enough. Anyway, being that they are like 10 and 9, I want to say, they went to bed at like 9:15. We said prayers and they snuggled in and I was like, "Peace out, homies, going to talk to mah friends and do interweb things." I grabbed like, my purse and phone and phone charger, thinking I'd go lay down once I was done or tired or whatever. My bed would comfortably fit all three of us.

Around 12:20 I decided I better go to sleep in order to get up at an unhealthy hour of the morning and go volunteer. I'm hoping this job involves snacks or crafts, and I shall keep you updated. So, at 12ish I walked back to my room and flipped on a light to see where I could lay down. Not only did this manage to wake them, but also I found an unsuitable scene in the light of my bedside lamp. The girls had somehow switched places from where they were originally AND separated to the far sides of the bed. And so I debated my situation in the course of like 5 seconds...

Option A: Wedge self between two and hope it doesn't get hot and uncomfortable and that you don't wake up with both of them attached to your sides and drooling on your shoulders.

Option B: Grab blanket and pillow quickly, turn off light, sleep on mini-couch like a hobo.

I chose B. Reasonings I do have. Well, for 1) I have slept between two young girls before when I went to the beach with Kortni and there is just too much moving and adjusting and night shoving and body heat for my taste. On that pull out bed in the hotel whoever was heaviest sunk down and then anyone else just fell beside them. Physics. 2) I didn't want to wake them further after I had blinded them. That woulda been rude. So, I slunk out and laid my stuff down. I decided not to sleep on the couch because it would have called for being scrunched up all night and like, tucking my head under, and, bleh.

So, I'm laying on the floor with my blanket awkwardly wrapped as to form a kind of sleeping bag, lamenting my lack of thought to grab my actual sleeping bag, and thinking what a good blog this would make for. I had like a bit of it covering my eye like an eye-patch because of the stupid blue light from my tv and I kept moving my feet on top of the other because they were alternately cold. I imagined myself as the epitome of stupid and uncomfortable.

And then, as my thoughts lead me, I realize I am the closest to ALL 3 doors. Slight panic rises. I would be the first killed or kidnapped or whatever. Then I thought, it'd be much better if I were in my room with the girls. Not only is my room farther away, also I could protect them and, who would kill little girls? Then I was thinking how that scenario would go down. Some crazy man in black intruder gear would burst through my door, I would quickly and heroically pull the girls up and make them hide in a corner, I would grab my stereo...and what? Throw it at his head? I mean, I've never been athletic, or able to throw, and I'm not great with depth perception. So, I imagine the stereo would land a couple feet in front of him, he'd look a little confused, and then he'd commence in killing us. So, bed or no, bad stuff would go down. And so is the tale of my life.

It's late, I'll tell you about VBS tomorrow. Now back to the floor-mo-bed!

1 comment:

  1. I love you. I read this last night and almost died laughing. I love this:"So, I imagine the stereo would land a couple feet in front of him, he'd look a little confused, and then he'd commence in killing us." The same thing would happen to me. I can't throw. But I'd start to think "I am the best, most incredible stereo thrower this world has ever seen" and then it would land two feet in front of me, on the floor, just like you. So don't worry, I would die too. Comforting? Probably not. This reminds me of the hyperbole and a half-expectations vs reality. LOVE IT.


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